


do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die)

by mizael



Category: One Piece
Genre: ASL Brothers, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Lowercase, Moving On, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 00:05:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6632545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizael/pseuds/mizael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ace leaves ashes in his wake and Luffy remembers what it felt like when he burned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die)

**Author's Note:**

> MMMMMMM THIS IS MY FIRST EVER TIME WRITING FOR ONE PIECE  
> i've wanted to try and write with lowercase for a long time so i decided the best way was to use it with a character study
> 
> please treat me well ;_;
> 
> i took inspiration from [a poem by mary frye](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_Not_Stand_at_My_Grave_and_Weep)

ace started like a candle.

he was the melting wax, imitation water drops that slid slowly down the side of his face like sweat: daring not to grow brighter, always contained. he was not the flame itself, just the kindle underneath it.

luffy thinks he remembers wax in ace’s snarls, the way he flung spit like weapons and blades and their meeting had burned luffy’s cheek in the same way luffy had scarred himself to prove something. ace wanted to prove something. ace was lacking something.

ace was protecting something.

(himself?)

but he wasn’t fire, not yet.

* * *

luffy has seen a lot of fires in his life, both physical and metaphorical.

he will never forget the flames trying to devour him and the mountain of trash alive, how weak he was to stop bluejam, how burned dadan had been—how, in that moment, luffy was the same as the garbage heap: inanimate and unable to protect anyone. he was strong but not _strong enough_. sabo went in flames, too, but luffy (and ace) hadn’t seen it the way they saw gray terminal.

 _sabo is dead_ , dogura said, and luffy saw fire.

fire and flames and burning revenge because in that moment, ace was no longer wax. ace was fire. ace was _burning_.

ace had a purpose.

sabo’s letter only redirected that fire somewhere else.

* * *

it doesn’t surprise luffy when he sees ace’s fire again in alabasta. or maybe it’s just fire’s ace. fire fist ace. ace, who is fire, who has always been fire in luffy’s eyes, has just become more.

he burns for someone else now, a great man named whitebeard who he calls _pops_ . ace’s fire didn’t go out, and neither did his dreams. they just burn _differently_ now. ace was always meant to be free and that ace calls someone else _captain_ instead of being called captain himself is no matter.

he sails and he’s free and the ghosts of the shadow left behind by gold roger are past.

but there are new ghosts now, new circles under his eyes, new phantoms by the name of blackbeard and thatch and luffy doesn’t pry because ace should be the one to tell him first.

(he doesn’t get that chance, in the end, holding ace’s broken body against his own amidst the chaos of war and crying too many tears and somehow remembering ace’s _i hate spoiled kids like you_ and _i promise not to die_ and luffy would have given anything to go back—well, he _would_ have.

that’s past, too.

_what have you got left?_

his crew is a fire, too.)

* * *

sabo was never a fire.

not like ace’s fire, anyway. sabo was the ocean, the gentle tug of waves, the wide expanse of the horizon and the spray of cool saltwater on a hot day. sabo was like freedom and the sky but he never got it.

he was water where ace was fire. he pulled where ace pushed.

he could have been free like ace was. he could have had a ship and dreams and burned like ace did, in the way that water burns when it boils. or like when water cuts through steel with pressure alone. luffy remembers too well sabo’s love like he does with ace’s love but they are as different as night and day.

and yet sabo still burns like ace burns.

_don’t you have another brother besides ace?_

_he’s… he’s already..._

* * *

_i’ve missed you_ and the ashes of ace’s death collect at luffy’s eyes as he cries and cries and cries.

sabo, too—

they cry together, for ace, for each other, for the years lost in the cruel chaos of the world and the empty hole that had settled between them that not even ace’s fire could cauterize. the empty hole in ace’s chest that luffy couldn’t save.

luffy has mourned two brothers.

but at least he can count one reunion, too.

* * *

sabo is free, now, though not with the sea.

he is trying to free the sea.

luffy doesn’t much care, but he understands that sabo’s definition of free is different than his. where luffy thinks of high adventure and the endless blue, sabo thinks of high adventure and endless blue and everyone within it.

that’s why sabo is the sea, the wide expanse of the horizon. that’s why he’s freedom and the sky.

(so when sabo becomes ace’s fire, never able to become the sea again, luffy is in awe. there is no trace of regret in his frame, no ounce of disbelief, no questions as to whether or not the devil fruit in his veins should be his to wield, or whether he should have wielded it.

where ace’s fire burns, sabo burns with it. ace lives through sabo, like how sabo had lived through ace.)

luffy wishes he could have seen more. luffy wishes sabo could stay.

but they part.

* * *

ace ends like a candle.

he is no longer wax, like he used to be. nor is he the flame, like he used to be. the wax melted with sabo’s death, and the flame snuffed out after his own. what’s left behind has long since been discarded.

luffy and sabo light a new candle: luffy makes one himself, though the wax is a large, conglomerated mess of a ball with a tiny thread poking through the top. sabo laughs at it but doesn’t ask for anything else. they put it on his grave together and it’s lit with sabo’s fire.

ace is the light, the one shining in the middle of darkness. ace is the thousands of particles in the sky and the air and illuminates the way forward, travelling too fast for human eyes to see.

ace is the candle that burns with light in their hearts. their charge and yet, their protector.

_is it easy for you when i’m around?_

_is it hard without me?_

_do you want me to live?_

sabo and luffy share a drink together; they share a drink with ace.

_yes._

_being lonely is more painful than getting hurt._


End file.
